3 Kick-Ass Habits to Take Control of Destiny
by Jeanette Larsen, MS, CEO Growth Unlimited
The politicians tell you “It is Your Right”. You have grown up believing that “fairness” is based on having what you want. Society has promised “safety nets” to protect you from the consequences of negative events that happen in your life, or provide the “good life” after retirement.
Sounds nice, doesn’t it? So why are there so many people who complain because they don’t “have” the things they need and want? Why is there a small portion of U.S. society who seem to “have it all” when the rest of us struggle? Why does a majority of Americans struggle with the fear of not having what they need during retirement? Why are the problems of poverty and homelessness plaguing our society?
The answer lies in the evolution of moving from the independence and self-reliance of our founding fathers to the current state where we have been socialized to believe that the hard work and effort expended by those people is no longer the way to succeed.
I, too grew up in an era of flush complacency. I was taught to work, but promised that if something went wrong, the government-sponsored safety-nets provided by society would be there to help me out. Life was good. I built a thriving business where I was recognized as a national leader in my field and my future looked very rosy at age 26.
Then life happened. A freak accident made me unable to work for several months and my business collapsed around my ears. A six-figure income disappeared and I was left to pick up the pieces. I was forced financially to take a dead-end job with no real opportunity to advance to something where I could achieve success as I wanted it, and I was still too sick and broken to have the fight available that had led to my earlier success. I believed I had no options for the life I wanted. I became depressed, anxious, and debilitated enough I was unable to work.
Upon recommendation of my physicians and my employer, I applied for and started receiving disability benefits as a “short term” solution, but was counseled by my caregivers that I was severely and permanently disabled and needed to “learn to accept my current life” because I would never recover. I accepted their “sage” advice—after all they were the “experts”, and they promised I would be taken care of.
The problem was, “being taken care of” had a steep price.
- The “benefit” allocated to me was such a low dollar amount it placed me way below the poverty line and I had to struggle just to be able to keep a roof over my head
- I discovered that I had lost the right to make decisions about how I wanted to live my life
My privacy and autonomy was disrupted. I had to deal with a steady stream of “caseworkers” and others who oversaw what I did with almost every moment of my day.
I didn’t have the opportunity to decide to make changes to improve my existence—If I chose to return to work and began making a living wage, my benefits would be cut off, even if I was not able to sustain continuing to work
- I faced “legal charges” if I broke any of the “rules”.
My self-esteem, and my Personal Power plummeted. I reached a point where, within a year’s time I made over 500 significant attempts to take my own life. The turning point came when one of my psychiatrists told me he despaired of ever being able to help me because I was hell-bent on dying. Even though I had not been successful—something I now believe was because of divine intervention—statistics showed that I WOULD succeed in my quest to die and he was devastated at the thought of the loss he believed my family and the world would suffer with my “success”.
He made me think. I was frustrated that I had been so unsuccessful at not achieving yet another goal, but realized that I truly only wanted my life to be better. In a God-given clearer state of mind, I saw the truth—Dying WOULD NOT Improve my life’s conditions. I realized that although the events that led me to my current emotional and physical state were not anything I could have controlled, I did have the responsibility for the decisions I had made in trying to recover from the situation.
- My current existence was the result of my feelings of disillusionment with how society’s promises to “take care of me” had not been kept.
- I knew I had the ability to create a better life—I had been successful in the past.
- I wanted the life I’d had before the original accident, and now I knew ONLY I could create it again.
I began the quest of researching what it would take to re-create the existence I
wanted and DESERVED. Then I began the process of Active Self-Actualization.
Although there is still more to do—Self-Actualization is a life-long goal, my life today
is radically different from the life I had that morning in the psychiatric hospital so many years ago.
Every Person has the Ability and
Responsibility to Create the Life
They Want and Deserve
What Can You Do?
You may not be in a place where you are hell-bent on causing your physical death. But my 15-year experience working with people has shown me that you are likely dissatisfied with one or more aspects of your life. Three of the most common areas people tell me they don’t like what is happening in their lives follow:
1. Relationships: Family, Professional, and Social Relationships can be struggles for many.
2. Financial/Security: Don’t have enough money? Don’t have the skills necessary to create the level of financial security you want to have? Dissatisfied or bored with your job or career?
3. Influence: Don’t feel you get the respect or recognition you deserve for who you are or what you do? Are you frustrated because you have something to share with others that you know will improve their lives, but you can’t get them to listen?
Modern Psychology and Medical Science have spent a lot of time and effort trying to come up with ways to resolve these issues. They have not been successful, any more than society has been successful in providing the answers. The technique to solve these problems does exist, it just isn’t very popular because it requires effort to implement that people don’t typically want to expend. But those who do, find the rewards well worth their efforts.
This technique for taking control of your destiny has been around since the beginning of time. It only has disappeared from regular use in our society over the past 30-50 years. The secret involves the following three behaviors:
- Accept personal responsibility to find solutions for your problems, instead of looking to government, churches, or other people to supply you with the solutions
- Avoid playing the “blame game”. Wasting time trying to point fingers at the person you believe is responsible for what has happened stops you from moving forward and creating the security you deserve and require.
- Learn from past mistakes so you don’t repeat them and Plan for the Future to avoid difficulties that may arise
Incorporating these three changes in your behavior will make you feel more powerful, Increase your self-esteem and self-image, and place you in control of the events that affect you. Try it out! See if you agree!
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